And on the edge of my sanity
It all comes back to me
In the semi-conscious state of mind
between wake and sleep.
The memories rushing in
clear and hazy, defined and distorted all at once
Threatening to take hold and never let go.
I toss and turn, punch and kick,
whimper and silently scream
Taste of fear and blood and violence
the feel of smooth betrayal done
on the semi-conscious.
I hear the soft click of a lock
hushed malevolent whispers
I hear rumbling laughter at my expense.
Oblivion sets in for a spell
then I hear them again before unconsciousness
steals my reactions from me.
I wake from my drug induced sleep
take in fully my naked vulnerability
The voice of a friend, A FRIEND, who is the leader
in this crime against my body.
No oblivion comes to hinder
my possible fight to protect and preserve
I turn my head and find again my voice.
A throat parched with horror croaks out
a trying scream
Male laughter mixed with confusion.
A deep breath, I scream
with all the might of desperation
All I know is the scream.
Strangers pour into the room
my girlfriend comes and runs them off
She picks me up and dresses me.
I’m late getting home, find my knife,
I’ll kill them myself
WHO DID THIS TO ME?
Cut off from all emotional acknowledgement
in my waking hours
I build the walls around the nightmare.
There is no denying what it is,
what I feel, semi-conscious
In the time between wake and sleep.
Hurt, shame, betrayal, rage, and suffering
all aimed at myself
But I felt no pity.
Heart clutching fear, seeing my friend
on the street, at the fair
Ice cold panic courses my veins.
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